My husband died unexpectedly 6 years ago. I'm so grateful for the many holiday photos and videos I have of him.

Natalie McCarter is a 43-year-old mom to two whose husband died in February 2019. She is thankful to have so many photos and videos of her husband from their last Christmas together. For months, it was only her kids who kept her going. This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Natalie McCarter . It has been edited for length and clarity. The Christmas of 2018 was blissfully normal with my husband, Ray, and our two kids, then 7 and 9. On Christmas Eve , the kids had new pajamas, a family tradition, and as usual, I took plentiful pictures and videos of them enjoying the night. But unlike previous years, I told Ray to get in so I could capture him with the kids, and he did, singing and smiling. That night, Ray and I stayed up late having a bit of wine and wrapping Christmas presents together. In the morning, we told the kids they could wake us when the sun came up, which they did; all of us then moved downstairs to open our gifts. Later in the day, we hosted our annual Christmas dinner at our house. Both of our families were there. We were in such a good place. Our relationship was strong, Ray had just taken a new job at the Pentagon, and we were in our dream house with our kids. I wasn't expecting this to be our last holiday together. He died 2 months later Nearly two months later was Valentine's Day, a day I had always considered a consumer marketing holiday, but we celebrated it with a takeout dinner and a movie on our projector . That night, Ray said we should renew our vows for our 12-year anniversary, which seemed a bit odd as it wasn't a particularly special number of years. We started planning how we'd take a cruise to celebrate, inviting our closest friends to come along. The day after, I took the kids to an evening event, and Ray went to a friend's house to hang out. As the kids and I were about to head home, I called Ray to check in - it was a phone call that lasted eight minutes and 36 seconds, just catching each other up on the day. He ended it with "Love you, baby." That was the last time I would ever hear Ray's voice. Later that night, once the kids were in bed, I tried calling and texting Ray - he wasn't answering, which was unlike him. I tried not to worry, tried not to think the worst. I'd already lost my mom, my dad, and my brother - surely, I wasn't due any more loss. I kept telling myself to just go to sleep - he'd be on his way home soon. I couldn't sleep, just lay there texting and calling him, asking him to let me know he was OK. A little after 4 am, I heard a knock on the door. It was the police,...

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