‘I’m going to scream!’: how to survive (and maybe even enjoy) your family Christmas

Before you see them ... Plan breaks in your schedule Spending time with difficult family members requires careful planning, says Katie Rose, a therapist registered with the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) and the founder of TherapEast . “If you’re going to stay with somebody for three or four days, find ways to politely give yourself a break. Go for lunch with friends who live locally, or book a ticket to a museum or a National Trust place so that you have ways of getting yourself out of the house.” Tamara Hoyton, a senior practitioner for Relate at Family Action , agrees that scheduling breaks is a good strategy. “Arrange a trip out, or offer to cook so that you’re away from the living room where everyone else is,” she says. Illustration: Paul Blow/The Guardian Practi se staying grounded “If we are coping with difficult situations and conversations, it’s important to stay grounded and present, so that our thoughts and feelings don’t spiral,” says BACP-registered counsellor Georgina Sturmer . Practise grounding exercises in advance, so you can use them in tricky moments. Sturmer recommends the 5-4-3-2-1 technique. “Notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste,” she says. “This helps us connect to the environment that we’re in, so we’re more present and less anxious.” Prepare safe topics of conversation (and ones to avoid) From politics to parenting styles, there are all kinds of things you might not want to get into with certain family members. Determine what these are and come up with some non-contentious alternatives. You could even prepare some phrases to say if you’re uncomfortable, says Lucy Blake, the author of Home Truths : The Facts and Fictions of Family Life and a senior lecturer in psychology at the University of the West of England, whose research focuses on family relationships. “Think about some likely scenarios and ways you could respond,” says Blake. You could try to redirect the conversation and move it on, or say things like, “I find this a difficult topic to talk about”, she suggests. Thinking ahead is key, agrees Rose. “Notice what the difficult conversations are. When you can spot the trap, it’s easier to avoid it,” she says. Bring a silly game Come armed with distractions, like group activities or games. But choose carefully - now is not the time for potentially controversial games like Cards Against Humanity. “Bring something innocuous or ridiculous to distract people, like trivia cards, a game or some music you want to share,” says Hoyton. Gather your support network At some point, you’ll probably need to vent about your family. Work out who you can lean on, which Blake describes as “gathering your troops”. This could be one person who understands your situation, or a WhatsApp chat with a group of friends - anything to “wrap as much kindness around you as you can”, says Blake....

Preview: ~500 words