If The Night Before Christmas were written in 2025 - it might sound like this

The Night Before Tech Christmas - a very modern holiday fable Features (Image credit: Lance Ulanoff) Lance Ulanoff published A visit from AI Saint Nicholas 'Twas the night before tech Christmas, when all through the smart house, Not an LED bulb was stirring, not even a smart watch, The string lights were hung across the virtual fireplace with care, In hopes that AI Saint Nicholas would soon generate there. ° The children were nestled under their covers, While visions of new smartphones danced in their VR headsets, And mom in her heated pants, I in my Bluetooth earbuds, Sign up for breaking news, reviews, opinion, top tech deals, and more. Had just settled down for another binge of Succession. ° When out on the lawn, our video doorbell alerted us to such a clatter, I sprang off the couch to see what my smartphone had captured. Away to the app, I swiped in a flash Opened the feed and selected the lens below my sash. ° The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow Gave the luster of Instagram filters to the animatronic characters below. When what to my wondering smart glasses should appear, but a miniature e-sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. ° With a millennial driver so sluggish and slightly sleigh-sick I knew in a moment that it must be AI Nick. More vapid than influencers, his coursers, they came, And Nick grunted, cast glances, and listed their names. ° "Now, Devon. Now, TikTok Dancer, Now, Dancing with Stars, On, Capricious, On Hinge, On Dessert, and Blintzes. To as close as you can get to the house without setting off the security system! Now dash that way, dash that way, please dash away, all." ° As virtual figures rise before us and spin out and into existence, So to the top of the house, the collection, they flew, With the e-sleigh full of gadgets and AI Nick, too. ° And then in a twinkling, I heard through my smart woofers, The stomping and scrapping of each annoyed hoofer. As I popped out my earbuds and turned around, Down my central air vent, AI Nick came with a sound. ° He was dressed all in E-ink fabric with jolly messages appearing from head to foot, And he was covered in dust that my smart air filter detected. A small bag of gadgets and gift cards he had flung on his back, And he looked like a store clerk, filling a shopping sack. ° His eyes were twinkling question marks, his dimples were almost merry! His cheeks worked to form an answer, his nose twitched in fury, His droll mouth drew up to request an inquiry. And the beard, trimmed neatly to show off his chiseled chin, was white as the snow. ° The stump of his vape held tight in his teeth, And a puff of vapor encircled his head like a gray wreath. He had a narrow face and a belt cinched tight on his belly. That barely...

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