I was in charge of Christmas magic for my kids. Now they're grown and things are changing

Canada ·First Person In this photo from 1998, Jennifer McGuire joins son Ben during a visit with Santa. With her sons grown, McGuire is learning how to accommodate the Christmas wishes of them and their partners.(Submitted by Jennifer McGuire) Three of McGuire’s sons — from left Ben, Cal and Jack — on Christmas morning in 2016(Submitted by Jennifer McGuire) Caption: McGuire, right, with future daughter-in-law Avery taking a Christmas cookie class in Ottawa.(Submitted by Jennifer McGuire) I was in charge of Christmas magic for my kids. Now they're grown and things are changing I hated it at first but I’m learning to embrace this new way of things This First Person article is the experience of Jennifer McGuire, who lives in Owen Sound, Ont. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ . When my four sons were still very little and I was raising them on my own, I chose the pattern of our holidays by default. No other adult to have a say, no one else’s traditions that needed to be followed or observed. Every Christmas looked pretty similar in ways that were both welcome and easy for us all. Christmas Eve was appetizers from M&M Meat Shops: mozza sticks and potato skins and chicken wings all around. We’d go sledding during the day if there was enough snow and do a little walk in the evening around the city’s Festival of Lights. Cosy pyjamas and It’s A Wonderful Life , putting out cookies for Santa with a note of thanks for whatever he might bring. The next morning, cinnamon buns while we opened our gifts, a big breakfast of eggs Benedict, track pants all day and the usual turkey and card games. Regular and familiar as clockwork, every year. That is, until my sons grew up and became their own people with their own partners who bring their own Christmas expectations to the table. Until I stopped being the default adult who got to decide everything about our day. Now Christmas has started to feel like a dance routine I can’t quite get right. The old routine, our Christmas Past, is like a muscle memory. Dance moves I can perform as easily as the Macarena at a family wedding. A dance from my own childhood that I might have thought we would keep doing forever. Now I’m wondering if the frozen appetizers from M&M are still on our holiday menu. One son is a pescatarian while another has become a real protein guy. I don’t know if the mozza sticks will cut it or if we need to level up and perhaps consider cooking actual food. Their tastes have changed and their palates have matured. They often talk about meals and ingredients that are more complex than anything I’ve ever attempted and have all become genuinely good cooks, which leaves me feeling both proud and a bit pointless over the holidays. When they do spend Christmas with me, I wonder how excited they...

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